Jeremiah Watt

Sod Clobbering at Andie's

JW WARMS ONE UP IN THE GRAND TURF FLINGING TRADITION.

Not being the best at any thing in life, this may come as a surprise to some of you that while playing GOLF at St.Andrew’s, which is also the birthplace of the game of golf. I did indeed win the game after a fashion that is. Before I get too far ahead of myself in my tee’d off excitement let me tell you more about the day.

Nobody could be more excited about being in St.Andrews than our traveling companion Darren, his Dad is an avid golfer and Darren has picked up on that same enthusiasm. We heard all sorts of details, that non of us Watt’s would have known because to us it is still Sod Clobbering and the finer points of GOLF have not rubbed off nor for that matter even been considered. Golf is not as technical as roping lets say, because you don’t have to read the cow……………golf balls don’t move, have no brains, and some times the little buggers won’t move even when your swinging at them…………..even further proof to a cowboy that balls have no brains because I was trying to kill mine.

NEVADA WARMNING UP WITH THE BLONDE BALL

We began our preparations with some serious stretching, you know the cross lateral’s and bi-hemroid stuff, just to get the old lactic acid coursing thru the body so we can play at the peek of our form. With that done we all hobbled down to the breakfast room to gulp a Euro-Brekkie and hit the streets to our tee time at St.Andrew’s. Now we booked all of this frivolity online and as you know computers like women often have a mind of their own…………..and often enough mind left over to have one for YOU as well. That’s the nice thing about wives, they take the VOW to SHARE more serious than all the rest. With the booking, somehow we ended up with a couple of extra games booked and for different numbers of people, so we wanted to be a tad early to see how many games of golf we had to play today. Thanks, but 9 holes instead of 18 is perfect for me………then go see the acupuncturist.

Turns out the guys who run the rental desk see duffers like us all the time……………matter of fact this game is a lot more like roping after listening to them. Like ropers, most golfers aren’t as good as they would have you believe either.

PINE SENDS OFF ONE OF THE KNEE CAP MISSLES

We had a little confusion with trying to get Nevada on the course due to regulations and game etiquette and the like. But they were nice about it all, gave her a game card that looked just like ours, gave her what they termed a Blondes Handicap Ball, I guess it’s the more legalistic approach to playing a cross gendered game of golf. Anyways Nevada teed of right along side the boys and done just fine. What’s that you say? That ball looks sort’a funny………well we thought so at first, just as you are right now…………but by the end of the game we were all asking to borrow her ball because we couldn’t hit ours.

We got a few quick lessons from Darren as to swing, grip, stance and send off. We each had our problem areas to work on, but all in all we done not as bad as I had thought. I guess because I am a full grown and I might say an athletic individual, I did manage to throw my club much further than the boys in the send off stage of the swing. That first tee box take off didn’t look to sharp nor crisp, I had 9 swings into it before that ball was smart enough to get up and leave some 5 feet across the turf………….Dang, I hit it on the back swing………….now I’ll have to be TEE’d off even further back.. We are off the 1st TEE box, and like quail, we left in different directions and stayed off all the nicely mowed grass. The complexities of this game really become apparent if you dare to play it in the RUFF instead of the “beginners lane” which they keep manicured and smooth. It was a traditional day for golf you could say, the wind was blowing by with an assortment of odd items being carried along with it…………..things like Tam’s and knitted club head covers, broken Tee’s which flew like little arrow heads and impaled sea birds as they were aloft above the greens. We weren’t born yesterday and played with those knitted covers on the heads at all times, we ain’t about to have to pay for a lost one…………..and we found that it seems to diminish the amount of turf that sticks to the club………….as I walked down the fairway and casually looked back up the green, I thought maybe that’s what they are there for.

DARREN WARMING UP HIS PUTTING STROKE

A DAY ON THE LINKS PLAYING WHERE THE *&#@@ IS MY BALL?

A HERITAGE SHOT TO SHOW THE GRAND CHILDREN, THE DAY I PLAYED ST.ANDREWS

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THE COUNTRYSIDE HERE IS LOWER VALLEYS AND THE HILLS ARE A DISTANCE OFF.

We had a bit of an excited chap playing next to us on the Fifth Fairway, maybe a little dramatic………I’ve heard that about the Brits. My son Pine, the poor lad, is the result of family genetics and the inherited traits that come with it. His father the “athlete” in the family tree, has a serious hook to the right………..a serious hook. You are best of to stand well behind if you don’t want to be hit. Pine it seems has the same hook but to the left…………..hence the reference to family genetics, since his Mother is so far left politically. Interesting isn’t how genetics takes all these attributes and makes a new individual from all the mixed parts……….and my boy came out with a serious left hand hook. Like his father he can send a ball at blazing speed off the TEE but only about 3 feet off the ground…………..us regulars at golf call it a Knee-Cap Missile. Ping went the head of the 3Wood, swoosh went the club as it finished its final stroke after the power hit had played out…………..Shi………………….Son of……………..Who the h……………..thankfully the wind blew most of the pain away, or the sounds that anguish produces. Pine and Mom walked around the corner of the green to see a Scotchman wreathing in pain and doing a modified one legged “Jack Hammer” dance step on the 5th green tee box, then he turned turnip and folded to the ground holding his …………yes, holding his left knee cap. Mom’s first thought since she knows well the game of golf, asked him if he hit himself on the swing………….wagging her finger as she commented of course knowing full well she was correct and wanted him to know it. Have you seen my sons ball, she asked as the fellow took a breath so he could swear a little more. Apparently swearing is an integral part of the game, according to my wife.

A HIGHLANDER WHOM CAME FULLY FRESSED AND WITH A GREAT LOOKING WOF HOUND AT HIS SIDE.

THIS GUY HAD A GREAT FACE, IT WAS JUST FILLED WITH CHARACTER, BUT HE WAS TO SWAMPED WITH PEOPLE TALKING TO HIM FOR ME TO GET A MUCH BETTER SHOT.

THE DIESEL POWERED SCOTCHMEN ARE LINED UP FOR THE HAMMER THROW, POOCHY MAGGIE SOME OF THESE BOYS WERE BIG FELLAS.

Was that your *&##@ son who hit this ball as he held it aloft for our inspection. Time for a father to step in and take charge of a event before it got out of hand. I needed to make sure it was indeed Pine’s ball that had caused the serious infraction. Sure enough it was Pines game ball, a Sterling brand with two deep cuts through the exterior of the ball leaving the name hard to read………….my sons balls look just like mine…………heh, genetics. Sorry buddy I say, maybe you ought to put a little ice on that goose egg on you knee before it gets to bad.

Now have you ever heard about someone who just seems to have a magnetic personality, well I am thinking that this poor guys Mom must have been a fridge and he was a golf ball magnet. He finally got up on his feet and his “Big Bertha driver” was now used as a sort of crutch/cane affair………..and that knitted cover came in handy here as well. Good I thought as the injured player made his way back toe the Tee box and stroked a terrible hook to the left and into that ruff stuff we were playing in. Ping went the face of the club as a ball was cleanly stroked somewhere up the 4th fairway…………….shshshshish went the ball………..allot more cussing then fills the air and suddenly all is quiet. A second ball came flying in and just narrowly missed the same fellow not more than fifty feet out in front of his own tee box. Clump, stump, clump, stump went his foot falls as he made his way up the fifth fairway. We let “Le Miserable” get off of the end of our fairway and into his own box on the 6th. The fifth was a par3, and I really wanted to give my putter a go and thought finally I had the right place to do it. I let go with good full circle swing and stroked one of those family heritage shots off to the right…………………what the heck, where is all that cussing coming from now. Oh wait, I can see a club waving above the shrubs and grass down on the tee box at the 6th…………..we all waved, it was Mister Magnet. And apparently I stroked one in on him very close as well. Hey what can I say, Golf like Rugby, is a mans game and in juries are just a common occurrence.

NOW THATS THE LOOK OF DEJECTION RIGHT, AND IT SHOULD BE. OUR FRIEND TINY HERE, HAD JUST STEPPED ON ONE OF HIS CROSSED SABRES AS HE COMPETED IN THE HIGHLAND FLING........

TINY'S COMPETITION

The game is over, and its time tot take a tally from the score cards. Nevada done great, since her card asked for the player to make an X if she missed, and an X if she hit. Then at the end add all the X’s to see the final score. We men had the regulation score card, and took our totals a little differently. In the end I had a 198 game, used 34 balls on 9 holes and finally abandoned using the little wooden chummies that you set the ball on. At this point it was a really pretty much of a tied game as each of us where quite close. SO it was finally decided amongst us to use the Old Course Turf test to decide, and so it is that I won since I had sent at least 6.5 yards of turf down the fairways of St. Andrews. Yes, it was one of those moments of immense pride to take two eager young men and introduce them to the true Gentlemen’s game. Golf!

Inevitably it is time we got on the road and headed for Sterling, the home of the William Wallace Memorial. My Mom, may God Bless her, was really into family genealogy and came to Scotland to do research on our family background. The sad truth is that there are so many “Bastard” children in the tree that the branches are very limited…………..so we kids decided to just play pick a relative that we can relate to, and I choose William……..I really liked the blue paint.

SCOTTY THE PROTAGANIST, TEASES HIS ENGLISH COUSIN WITHN HIS FEED OF CORN ON THE COB

A DISTANT SHOT OF THE TRIBUTE TO WILLIAM WALLACE AS IT IS SEEN FROM THE STERLING CASTLE.

While we are on the way to Sterling , we pass thru the little town of Alba. This is the first town to resume the playing of the Highland Scottish games after the English had stopped it all. Now I can tell you this is no place for most school kids, these games have an edge of tough to them. There was bike racing on the grass course, running, short distance sprint type races and the throwing of the hammer, but the toughest as the Corss country running. Poochy Maggie, these players had to be tough for this steep uphill run. They ran kids from 7 years of age thru 14 , then 15-20, and last by adult . Of course they also had a bunch of dancing of the traditional Scottish dancing, the Flings, the Flungs and the Twist.

Alba has been running without miss for almost 225 years now. We seen planty of well dressed types, with full accoutrements and it seemed fashionable to have a Wolf Hound along to complete the fashion statement.
The grey leaden sky was taking on a fractured look as we drove from Alba towards Sterling. The hills are leaden with deep green grass, and the rock hedges that line the roadways are covered with Ivy and Berries of a differing shades, the Oaks and Beechnut as well as the Chestnut are all different shape and color. The hills about are filled with sheep more so than cattle, and the lower fields often are home to grains like Oats and Barley,, and quite a bit of Canola is also grown here. A huge stone monolith pierces the skyline, and we all wonder as to it’s importance hereabouts. The road seems to be drawn to as much as our gaze is drawn the same, and it turns out that this is indeed the William Wallace Memorial.

WILLIAM WALLACE MEMORIAL, BUILT IN 1885

MY CREW AT THE TOP OF THE WALLACE MEMORIAL.

The stone monolith stands some 285 feet tall, and about 120 feet in diameter. A four sided structure as is an obelisk, but instead of a pointed top of 4 equal triangles, this top has a very ornate ribbed crown type affair. The spiral staircase winds some 185 steps up on its route to the top most level. Now this is also the home of the actual sword that it is said William Wallace had carried, and was for JW the only real reason I could come up with for going to the UK. Did I mention that this was a VERY crowded exhibit, and the the single file stone stairs even further enhanced the crowd effect. Well it was in one of the side rooms which held the SWORD that somehow I walked thru and YES MISSED> DO I feel like an idiot……….yes. Truth is it really was not my fault, it was my young charge Darren whom proclaimed the room to be free of all things interesting………the kids built like a garter snake and can squeeze thru crowds much easier than I.

From the monument to Wallace, we went to the Sterling Castle. The Sterling Castle is an amazing structure like so many others we have seen. It sits high on a hill top, protected to one side by fairly steep rock hillside, and the other falls towards the plains over rough terrain at best. The castle covers some 35 acres of ground with huge rock walls of 20 foot thickness, countless cannon caissons and various draw bridges and other forms of fortification. This is a little more modern castle, being commenced in 1275. It has been held by the English at times, but remained mostly in the hands of the irascible SCOTS. We finally had some clear sky working its magic on the hills about Sterling, and it brought out shades of green that only Willy Mathews or Russell could do justice to, it was time to head into town and find our hostel and something to eat.

THOSE SPLENDID SPIRAL STAIRS THAT LEAD YOU ALOFT AT THE WALLACE MEMORIAL.

ONE OF THE MANY CANNON BATTERIES ALONG THE WALLS OF STERLING, TIS ONE INTERESTINGLY IS POINTED DIRECTLY AT THE WALLACE SITE.

We made the final leg of the trip into downtown Edinburgh, the 5-Star Hostel was just fine, which is how most of them have been on this trip. What the heck, all you do is sleep for a few hours so why insist on luxuries you won’t use……..like sheets, or pillows and warm water showers. And who among us really needs a “Chocolate on the Pillowcase” anyways, what with world OBESITY and all.

We walked the town for a while, and then in an offer of kindness I told the kids they could pick where we ate that night…………………so, as we walked the town awhile longer I could the scheme unfolding. They chose purely by safety and not by taste. They headed into an Italian Trattorie that only served pizza……………..that is the last act of benevolence that will be offered on this trip. Pizza is something that comes frozen in a carboard box and is heated up by the ranch wife on those nights when she can no longer lift a Dutch Oven or there is nothing else dead in the freezer to eat………………but it’s surely not a meal.

We are done folks, we have walked the town till 12:35 and it is time to quit and head to bed, because tomorrow is a very full day.

Good Night and God Bless

THESE WOULD BE THE SERVENT QUARTERS THAT SIT PROTECTED BUT TO THE LOWEST SIDE OF THE CASTLES FORTIFICATIONS.

A VIEW OF STERLING CASTLE FROM ITS MOST IMPOSING SIDE.

ONE OF THE MANY QUIET CORNERS AMONGST THE WALLS OF STERLING CASTLE.

A BRIDGED ARCH TO ENTER INOT THE SANCTUARY GARDENS INSIDE THE PROTECTED WALLS OF STERLING.

THE STREETS OF EDINBURGH AS WE WALK AND SEE SOME SITES OF NIGHT LIFE. WE MET A WONDERFUL COUPLE FROM NZ, THEY HAD BEEN TRAVELING FOR 3.5 MONTHS ALREADY.

HERE WE ARE ON A STEEP 16% GRADE, AND THESE CABBIES ARE PEDALING SOME HEAVIES UP THE GRADE, THERE FRONT WHEELS TRYING TO LIFT OFF THE GROUND AND THIER TONGUE HANGING OUT AS THEY LABOUR.

Good night and God Bless